A satire by Sin Chew’s Tay Tian Yan. This is about Alias Ismail, the recent winner of the Tokoh Nilam award for outstanding teacher revealing his secret :
Translation by Dominic Lau :
I really had no clue how to give this article a proper title.
Should I just put it forthright: To be a good teacher, learn how to make love first?
Or: I’m a good teacher, and I make love every night?
If I did, I would have been smashed up by teachers and their spouses.
But what else could I say? This is the real thing! Kisah benar!
Two days ago, 41-year-old male teacher Alias Ismail, winner of the Tokoh Nilam award for outstanding teacher, revealed the secret recipe of his success. He said he derived his vitality and focus in teaching from, you guess, reading and sex!
Reading and making love every night, and the love-making always comes after the reading!
I have the slightest hint what these two things have got to do with each other.
For other people, the following might be the reality:
“Darling, what’re you reading now?”
“I’m reading XXX. What about you, babe. Are you reading something?”
“Put that down, honey! Roll over quickly!”
So, to ordinary people, reading and love-making do not seem to get along so well with each other, unless you are holding a hard porn in your hands before going to bed.
But with the advent of CD, DVD and things like that, even this remaining possible linkage is now annulled.
It is not easy to emulate Mr and Mrs Alias for a number of reasons.
Firstly, people usually drift into dreamland having flipped a few pages, too exhausted for anything else including sex.
Secondly, if love-making is in the agenda, there is absolutely no place for reading mood.
As if that is not enough, these two things are physically and mentally exhausting, and the engagement in either of them could potentially kill the second day’s vibrance.
But our Cikgu Alias accomplishes both these daunting tasks, and still stays physically and mentally active over time.
Wait a minute! It shouldn’t go this way. Alias is a role model among teachers, someone the students should emulate and learn from.
But he is telling everyone that half his achievement has been attributed to his daily love-making routine.
Should other teachers and his pupils take cue from him?
As a teacher par excellence, a prominent figure in the education sector, he should have shared his teaching experience instead, for example, how to advance holistic education and how to prevent our schools from turning into “hell schools” like the one in Rawang, among many other things.
What he must not divulge to the public is the contribution of his daily night-time feats towards teaching excellence.
If he has some special liking in certain fields, that will constitute wholly his personal undertaking.
Common sense tells us that there is no correlation between these two things.
Alias’ logic has been built upon the society’s misconception about sex. Many people are only partially informed of regular sex, resulting in a lot of exaggeration, distortion and misinformation.
Ubiquitous love potion ads on lamp posts and road signs, the aphrodisiac effects emphasised by coffee drinks, the open sale of X-rated pornography and cheap and fanciful love that abounds in our midst. And to top it all, we now have a model teacher turned sex sales master.
Perhaps, Alias should take up an offer to speak for Tongkat Ali products, but where education is concerned, he has been talking nothing but trash. And from the medical perspectives, he should consult a physician, or a psychologist, to get his indulgence fixed up.